Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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