Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
