dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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