so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have fence marks all over my body
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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