Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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