I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
