If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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