so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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