A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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