fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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