Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
