Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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