We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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