my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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