it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
