I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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