Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
