First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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