Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
