he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
