but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
