When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
