sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
