She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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