I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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