I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
