Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
