this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
