Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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