Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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