it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
