ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
