Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
