you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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