I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
