party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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