is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I need to align my fucking chakras
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
