I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
