i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize