she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
