listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
