tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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