The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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