Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
