but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
