The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
