you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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