dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
no you cant smoke seaweed
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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