I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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