Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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