i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Randomize
