My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
