Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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