I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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