Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
