Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
