just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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