Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
