God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
