I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize