he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Pooping to opera.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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