it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I love you. Go after that dick
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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