k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
