I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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