Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
