see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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