I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
