he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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