hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
