I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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