Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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